A Soft Answer

Over the last several months, I have been mediating on one Bible verse, Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." I shared this verse with my high school Youth Church students last Sunday. 

I started out by asking them about how they would react in different conflict scenarios. I could not believe their answers. Most of them talked about how they would gather information about the situation and try to reason with the person who they were having issues with. I told them that I was impressed and that I felt they were more mature then I am. My instinct when someone raises their voice to me is to raise mine back, not to return with a soft answer. I know it is not the Biblical response but it is the human response.

A couple of interesting conclusions came from the discussion with the students. Firstly, by giving a soft answer you knock the person off balance. They were not expecting it. They are expecting the human response of you lashing back. It kind of takes the wind out of their sails. 

Secondly, by answering softly or holding our tongue altogether the other person comes off in a negative way. One of the students told a story about Napoleon and one of his officials. He said that Napoleon and the official were arguing and instead of the official responding he stood there and allowed Napoleon to continue with his rant. We talked about how this makes the angry person look and how it makes the other person look. If people are observing the exchange, then the angry person looks like a fool who has no control. While the other person, comes off as being innocent and under control. Which is a better witness for God?

Thirdly, we need to work on giving control to God. We should not give into our human nature. God can help us remain calm so tension does not build and a resolution to the situation can be found.

I Want to be an Under-Rower

We live in a proud world. We are proud of our jobs, proud of our kids, proud of our success. We do it all on our own. No one else should get the credit except us. But that is not who I want to be. I know I cannot exist without the help of Jesus. I cannot even drive into the "city" or go grocery shopping without wanted to give into human nature and put someone in their place. That is not who I want to be.

I want to follow the example Christ set, I want to be a servant. As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 4:1, "Let a man so consider us, as servant of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God." The world Paul uses here for servant is huperetas. It is the same word was also used in "classical Greek culture to describe the punishment that criminals had to endure. Criminals were considered outcasts of society and were frequently sentenced to row in the belly of a ship, and they were often required to live below deck. They were the engines that pushed the ships ahead; huperetas were called under-rowers (Conflict Management for Church Leaders; Goodall, Wayde; p57)." 

I like the picture that this paints. Being an under-rower could not have been an easy job: being away from home and family, crammed below deck with others like you, struggling to move the ship along at the desired speed. It was not those in control who were moving the ship along, but those who were there to serve. 

I want to be an under-rower taking my direction from Christ. I want to be one of the servants who help to move the ship along. I want to show His power and strength as He works through me. I want to have a servant attitude where I am able to remain humble, leaving pride behind, and continually giving credit for everything in my life to Christ alone. I want to live so in the end I will hear "Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful in the few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of the Lord (Matthew 25:21)."

Confrontation Means Exhort

According to Merriam-Webster confrontation

means: "a situation in which people, groups, etc., fight, oppose, or challenge each other in an angry way." When I read this definition, it made me think of two people putting on boxing gloves and duking it out until only the stronger or more skilled person remained. Or a child inside the principal's office being reprimanded, cowering in their seat, waiting to be dismissed.

But what if the word was redefined? What if instead of fighting, opposing or challenging, we define it as urge, encourage or exhort? What kind of picture would you see then? 

"The word exhort comes from a combination of two words in the original language: the word to call and the word alongside. It conveys the idea of calling one alongside for the purpose of helping him or her pursue right (Conflict Management for Church Leaders; Goodall, Wayne, 2010)." With this definition you aren't attacking but coming alongside to correct, encourage and redirect.

As a teacher, I am constantly having to confront poor behavior and bad decisions in the classroom. In one particular instance I had an upper classman in a freshman class. The young lady thought it would be OK to be rude and disrespectful in front of the younger students. It was creating a disruption and encouraging disrespectful behavior from the others. But after reading this lesson, I thought about changing the methods I use. I don't have to assert my authority as the teacher. Instead I pulled the older student aside and explained the observations I had made about the students' attitudes. We discussed what was causing it and how she could help to correct it by setting the example. So by coming alongside I encouraged her to be a positive leader which changed the attitude of the others. If I had used a more aggressive method (boxing) I would have embarrassed and angered her, increased her bad behavior which would have increased the bad behavior of the class. 

In the future instead of confronting by tearing down, we should confront by building up. It may take longer but the results will be a lot greater.

Conflict Happens

Over the last five years, I have been taking Bible classes. During this time I have come to realize that what we are studying is what will be brought into my life. The latest class is "Conflict Management for Church Leaders." So what arises but conflict... at home, at work and at church. This gave me the opportunity to put the lessons of this class into action.

One question through out this study kept coming to mind... if we are one body, as the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 12:12, why does conflict happen? I have concluded that conflict happens because of our backgrounds, our personalities, our history, and our environmental factors. 

All out backgrounds are different. No one else has had the same experiences at the same time in the same place. You may have had similar ones but not identical. The experiences we go through help to shape who we are and what we believe.

Our personalities are all different. Are you a logical thinker? Do you crave conflict or avoid it? Are you negative or positive? Do you know yourself and what  makes you a better person? Are you a people person (social butterfly) or the opposite (social cockroach)? What makes you tick? Our personalities will encourage or discourage the types of experiences we are willing to expose ourselves to which in turn helps to make us who we are.

Our group(s) history affects our present and future. We are leary of situation that arise because of what has happened to us before. Are we willing to open ourselves up again? Are we able to do things differently? Are we able to remember the past but not all it to limit our future? Do we get stuck in "we've done that before and it didn't work"? Can we get beyond it?

Environmental factors are things that we cannot necessarily control... job lose, economic depression, lay offs, natural disasters. They are all things that at some point will affect us all, but do we allow them to control our lives? 

In answer to my question, conflict happens because we are all different. I guess the important thing is not why it happens but how we react to it.

No Regrets

Sunday afternoon as my dad and I were working in the shop, he asked me if I every regret becoming a teacher instead of a veterinarian. My first response was sometimes. For example, when they announced at graduation Friday night that a couple of the girls wanted to go into veterinary medicine, or when I wish I could bring my girls (three dogs) with me to work because they calm me and brighten my day. But then I began to honestly think about the question. Do I regret?

You see I had a true gift for working with animals and it had been my dream from the time I was nine years old until a couple of years after getting my bachelors degree. I was working for a veterinary and I was applying for vet school, but I was not having success. Then one day in the mail I received a letter from the education department at a local college. They wanted me to apply for their masters program. I was at a crossroads. Do I continue pursuing my dream of veterinary medicine or do I change dreams and go into education? I began to earnestly seek God's direction on this. Looking back now, I do not remember if I ever asked God if He wanted me to become a veterinarian. I do not remember if I ever asked what His purpose was for me until that moment.

I chose to follow the new dream. I am finishing my 16th year of teaching. It has had its ups and downs and every year is a new adventure. But do I regret it? No. How do you regret something when it is God's purpose for you? This year has brought new challenges as my job changed, but my purpose has not: working with high schoolers to get them to graduation while in the process showing them patience and God's love. When my job gets tough, I think of Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

What Will Jesus Be?

The question that was asked this week to me was "Ms D, how will Jesus come back, will He be the same as the first time - as a baby?" When I answered, "No, this time He is going to return as a conqueror and king," the student did not understand and I think did not believe. This led to the question, "how do you know?"


I know because Jesus is alive! He did not stay on the cross or in the tomb. He rose from the died, ascended into Heaven and one day He will return. I know because God tells me through His inspired word in Revelation 19:11-20. He gives an awe inspiring picture of the return of our King.

I saw heaven open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God.

This is not the picture of a child or a baby. This is the picture of someone who is in charge, in control and someone who is here on a mission. Jesus' purpose has changed with His second coming. His purpose the first time was to bring forgiveness. When He comes again His purpose is to bring judgement and victory! Are you ready?

You Are My Shield...

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25)


But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. (Psalm 3:3)


The words in these two verses I want to focus on are safe and shield.  Recently God kept me safe. He was my shield, literally.


My mom and I had to drive 30 miles to Tacoma to pick up transcripts for work. It wasn't a trip I wanted to make. It was a waste of a day to make the drive up and back. It was a waste of money for gas and a waste of money for the transcripts. But I did it.


So, we head up I-5 and when we got to Tacoma there is an area of the freeway where there are multiple on-ramps and exits. There are a lot of changing lanes and slowing down and speeding up. It is usually bumper to bumper. A year or so ago the traffic flow was changed and redirected. We got off the exit for the City Center which is now about a quarter - half a mile from the actual exit. I exited and I thought where am I going there's only one other car here? Did I make a wrong turn? This are is usually packed. People are fighting to get over onto the freeway. The freeway is full but no one's on the exit.


This is when God's hand, God's shield was seen. As we were going down the road at 60mph, a truck and trailer flew pass us. Both were full and overflowing with construction materials. The truck was about 30-40 feet in front of us when a 10 foot and 4 foot board about 10 inches wide slid of the truck. We saw the longer board hit the road and splinter into pieces. The shorter board came at us. But instead of going through the front of our car, the board hit the ground in front of the bumper and bounced under my car. It hit the bottom and as far as we could tell everything was fine.


God was there that day. He shielded us from that accident. He kept people off that ramp so no one was injured or killed. He kept us safe. That board could have very easily have gone through the windshield, I could have slammed on my brakes and been rear-ended, or I could have swerved and rolled my car. But I did not have to because God kept me safe.